Army Wife, Doesnt know what to do.?
Well my husband and I knew I was going to be leaving Germany soon so i can get the rest of my degree and be a nurse by the time he got back from his deployment (he leaves June 09 for deployment) He does have Block leave to come home in May for 2 weeks but because im leaving a whole month before he comes home I feel Horrible.. (Hes at pre deployment trainging so i cant tell him the letter came today and i have to fly out March 31st (Which was around the time we expected) but I cant stop crying, I dont want to leave him here..and i know i will see him again before he deploys but I feel horrible...The only reason i was getting this degree is not only because i want to be a nurse but for us..So he doesnt have to re inlist and even if he does re inlist so we can come back to U.S. and live comfortably and settle down and start a family..We have been away from each other before *about 8months before we got maried.. and we are young but (going on 7 years together)..I feel so bad but if i dont get this degree , when he comes back from deployment , ill be in school and will not get that time with him. he is going to Iraq for a year and i have been told how selfish i am to leave him here for 4 or so weeks..But im not im doing this for us... But why do i feel so bad... He wants me to do this , but im scared i guess :(.... Yes he wants me to go for sure. I have delayed this school 2 times already before and i was fine with that. This school Starts in May 09 and ends April 2010 (2 months before his deployment. The next time i could go to this school is September 2009. That means when he comes back from deployment I wont be done with school for another two months and couldnt join him at the next duty station (He still has 3 years in) and i wanted to get my degree where when he gets done with the next 3 years, he himself can go to college instead of re enlisting for financial reasons with the economy like this
Military - 9 Answers
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1 :
I think by going you are being very mature and responsible. Yes, it will suck, but when he returns you will be able to spend time together then, and be financially stable. Let your husband know there are still people supporting and praying for him. God bless you.
2 :
First of all, bless you and your husband through these difficult times. Whoever said you were being selfish is out of place for doing so. You, and your husband, know that you are doing this for the both of you. There's nothing selfish about thinking of the future. No one said military life was going to be easy; you should have known about this when your husband joined. Every marriage experiences sacrifices, and this one that you both will have to endure. Know this: as a soldier, he is trained to live without his family for durations of deployments. It will be rough for him, as it will be rough for you, but right now he's serving a great purpose; he's serving his country. Pray for him, love him, and let him know what you're feeling right now. Let him read this question and I'm sure he'll understand why you're doing what you're doing. Best of luck to you.
3 :
Unsure, Are you certain your husband is being honest when he says he wants you to do this? I was in the military for 24.5 years and I never knew a spouse to say they didn't want their husband or wife to be there when they left or came back from deployment. I'd suggest you both go sit down with your husband's unit chaplain, or another counselor. There are three issues I see here: 1. How you are feeling - which you're feeling bad. 2. Whether or not you should go. 3. The fact you are doing this so your husband won't have to reenlist. [You didn't say he wanted you to become a nurse so he wouldn't have to reenlist]. In my own way of thinking, being together at highly stressful times, and supporting each-other emotionally during those times is far more important than living comfortably. [I've been married 32 years]. "Ranger"
4 :
First off, who told you you were selfish? If you and your husband are agreed, then ignore whoever told you that. His/her opinion doesn't matter. Second, if you really want to spend every possible minute with your husband, could you delay starting school for another term, or even another year? You're not selfish, in fact you're being very mature, but if you just feel in your gut that this is the wrong decision, then maybe you could change your schedule. Hope it all works out for you.
5 :
I would say make the decision that is best for your marriage. If you think your marriage would survive your school and his deployment situation then it is the best solution to go, especially for the long term benefit. The best part is he is supportive. I wouldn't say you are being selfish at all. In fact, you would be sacrificing what your heart wants right now for the improvement of your live's together overall. Hope this helps and best of luck.
6 :
You might want to post this question in the family section since it is primarily a relationship issue. The part that is curious to me is "and i have been told how selfish i am to leave him here for 4 or so weeks". Who told you that? I'm guessing it wasn't your husband because all of the other parts of your situation seem to indicate that your husband is on board and in fact suspected that your departure date might occur when it has. If there are other people telling you that you are selfish but your husband is on board with your plans then who cares what they think. Another way to look at this is that you are "deploying". Lord knows that your husband, if he stays, in will deploy again and you will be separated. It appears that you guys have arranged for your "deployment" to happen at the same time as his. The only negative is that it wasn't a dead on perfect match for when you would be apart and that you will lose out on some 4 weeks of time together if you could have delayed your departure. I don't see any mention of any children in this and if you do have children in the future it would make it that much more difficult for you to complete your training. The only other option that I see is that you put your nursing training on hold until your family is stationed back in the states so that you don't have to "deploy" to complete your training. Good luck.
7 :
Being scared is a very human emotion along with feeling bad when we think we're being selfish. By the way, you're definitely not being selfish by planning for a future for your family, just the opposite. A little seperation now and when he comes home after deployment you'll have so many more options for a better future together than you currently have. While you're in school the time he's away will go much faster and you'll be doing something that is not only worthwhile but will put your husband's mind at ease that you're safe, happy and very busy doing something important. My husband is currently in Afghanistan and has been there for four months and I keep myself busy doing whatever I can to make this a better home for him and taking classes. It also helps the days not seem so long and keeps my mind occupied with something other than worrying about him. I'm supposing that your fears and tears aren't so much from "you" leaving for school but for him being deployed and I totally understand it. I truly hope you go for your degree and I'll keep your husband in my prayers. Ps...I cried a river the two weeks before he left even though he has 28 years service...but he is definitely so much happier when he hears about my accomplishments, the funny things our pets do and it takes a huge burden off his shoulders knowing I'm doing just fine here!
8 :
If this is something that you and him have spoken about I dont see the problem....you are both sacrificing for a better future...that is pretty much the life of a Soldier....sacrifice a little now so our children wont hopefully have to sacrifice alot later. Sure you want to be there before he deploys but if your schooling was the most important issue in your family unit before he left than sometimes its the decisions we make that we have to stand by. There are phones and it will have to be the same way when he is gone...phone calls and emails. He knows you love him and you know he loves you...now go and get your schooling done...it sounds like you and he have a plan and goals and are ambitious to achieve those things...so do them and know that you both will be the stronger if not the better for it because you have both sat down...discussed...planned...and now executed the decision to make not only you as individuals better for each other but the both of you as equals better for each other. Best of luck and Thank you for joining us in this time of need
9 :
This is interesting because my wife just finished up her RN so that I could get out. My advice GO FOR IT. I am 8 months away from my ETS right now and the light at the end of the tunnel gets brighter every day. And the new GI bill will really help him go to college. GO FOR IT. GOOD LUCK!!!!
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