Turkish youth in Germany?
Lately, I have read many horrible (and racist) things about the Turkish community in Germany. That the Turks were in gangs, harassing people on subways and generally have lots of problems. I don't know if this is completely true or not.. all I know is that it is semi-true from the online sound of things. I just want to establish that in Australia, Turks are doing very well with the majority of students going to university, getting degrees and leading positive, fulfilling and healthy lives. My uncle is a lawyer, my aunt is a nurse, my mother an IT consultant, my father a restranteur, my grandfather an engineer and I plan on studying a BA in Journalism in the coming months. What is your view on Turkish-German youth and have you had any good/bad experiences with them? hey, I'm not saying Turks are perfect, all I'm saying is that I hear Turks feel alienated over in Germany/Netherlands/Belgium, but over here we have intergrated well into Australian society. Many of my cousins have Aussie wives. I'm just very curious as to what's happening over there, I've heard many stories
Other - Germany - 10 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
My only direct experience with young Turkish people in Germany has been the many friendly, helpful employees and owners of businesses. In particular, there are many Döner-Kebap restaurants and stands run by young Turkish men who are friendly, non-threatening, and pleasant. As an American who speaks little to no German, I find these Turkish shopkeepers to be far more friendly and accommodating than their German counterparts. Usually there are a couple of younger Turkish boys hanging out or working at the Döner restaurants, who also strike me as friendly and nonthreatening. I feel that's generally the case when I see all varieties of Southeastern European immigrants in Germany - driving taxis, riding the subway, and wherever I encounter them around town. I think it's very similar to the situation with Latino immigrants in the United States: Some people feel uncomfortable when they encounter foreigners in their hometown, and any time they see a large group of immigrants their minds leap to ideas of gangs, crime, violence, etc. even when it couldn't be further from the truth. I see Turkish immigrants to Germany, and Mexican immigrants to the US, as people who have taken a great leap of faith to travel to a new country in search of employment and opportunity to create a better life for themselves and their families.
2 :
There is a VERY large Turkish population in Germany. It can be understandable that there are some who may behave as you say. Also, Turkish men can be very misunderstood. They all think of themselves as very attractive, and if a woman gives them any kind of attention they think this means you want their attention -- this could be perceived as harassment to others. There is a big cultural difference, and even though there are many Turks who are acclimated to their adoptive country, there will always be a slight divide and misunderstanding. Not all Turks are bad. In fact, my boyfriend is Turkish, and I find they generally treat people (women in particular) very well.
3 :
Actually what you have heard is true to a huge % of the youth.(at least in bigger cities) That isnt racist. Come to germany and go into a club..after you go out, you should get a cut near the throat and almost die(like my friend) then you think differently The funny thing: for absolute nothing..you dont need to have done anything. Actually i only know about the bigger cities..dont know about small towns But in bigger cities they normaly build ´´gangs´´ with their family and other sometimes they come with 20 men then... If you look strange at them normally then comes an invitation for a nice beating(only from the turks who feel strong alone too..not many) But normally they dont harass people in subways In general they have alots of trouble. Is it not wanting to work..not wanting to go to school or criminal activities or the things above. exceptions proof the rule Im always annoyed when a foreigner tries to say something about it and we are racist against them or so without knowing anything
4 :
i live in a small town in germany and the turks here are just like everybody else oO there are really nice people and then there are some idiots.. but it's the same with the germans.. ^^ soooo basically there are idiots in every culture, it's just that the turks stand out in germany because they often don't speak german very well. these "big-city-problems" as described in an answer above basically don't exist here in the small town =)
5 :
Well, the turkish "youth" in their middle to late 20s say it was much easier for them to integrate into German society, since there were not that many Turkish people in Germany, and they needed to interact with their German classmates and neighbors, so of course they learned the language better, did better in school, went further in school, got apprenticeships more easily (it's unfair to only put that down to language skills, though, because economy was different 10 years back, too). There were not as many Muslim prayer rooms or Moshes (Spelling??? :( Sorry.), no Turkish sport clubs, no "only women" opening hours at pools... they needed to live in a country where they needed to integrate into the existing society because there simply were not enough of them to build up the structures they were used to having. Now there are many more Muslims, not necessarily just Turkish people, in Germany, and they live in "ghettos", meaning they live in parts of the town, mostly, where there is assisted housing from the state. THis, though unwanted by the state, supports them in clinging together as a group (they are in a foreign country that dos not understand their customs and traditions, nor respect them sometimes, and many of them do not speak the language (well). Plus, the structures here often support the more fundamentalist in their believe (because the morals from the 50's and 60's are what the old men who often sit at the head of the community know and perceive as "normal", even though in their home country, those morals are outdated now), and that eases the way for fathers to dominate their families in a "traditional" way. Often the teenage sons are lambs at home, honoring their elders, being nice as pie to everyone, and than when they are out in town with their fiends, they "flip", because they need to have some sort of feeling of control over something. Harassing people, especially people who obviously don't have anything to do with their community, in such an anonymous surrounding as a subway (I guess they are not thinking of the cameras) is an easy outlet for them. There was one incident this year where three Turkish kids severely beat up an old German man in the subway because he reminded them that smoking was forbidden. A typical "I'm the old, law-abiding citizen, and you are just three youths not knowing how to accept boundaries or behave correctly". Had he been a member of the Turkish community, chances are they would have said sorry and extinguished their smokes. He wasn't, though. I'm not saying the old guy made himself a victim, but with the Turkish kids, there are mostly two sides of the medal. Which also makes it so difficult for the two cultures. Often social workers are simply told: "You don't understand. This is our culture, these are our morals, you can't come in and destroy our morals just because we live in this country." To which one becomes sometimes tempted to reply: "You can't come in and destroy our country just because you want to live with your morals!" (if you want to express it that drastically and directly). And I'm not saying Turks are villains. I have Turkish friends who went to school with me, and they are nice, generous, warm and friendly people, open and welcoming, who will explain their customs when I ask, and, though they are somewhat fundamentalist, will listen to your side of the story, too, and discuss. Both of them (she and her brother) are studying and doing well, don't live in assisted housing, have jobs and own a house/ think of building one. The daughter is married (to a Turkish guy) and has two kids (while studying), and while she is independent and modern, she loves the fact that the structures and traditions are there to support her (kids are with Grandma in "the ghetto" when Mom goes to school). At home, she speaks Turkish with her kids. One could go on talking about the real hate crimes and "honor murders" going on in Germany, but: Yes, they happen, no question about that. Do they happen often: No. I do not believe it is a common thing, I think it is a horrible way of thinking of some horrible people. There are horrible people in all parts of the world, of every religion, in every country, in all parts of society.
6 :
i am english and have lived in germany for 16yrs i live in a large city, and we have a lot of turkish people here you are right, there are a lot of gangs of youths roaming the streets, causing trouble etc etc and there are gangs of turkish youths doing this, but not just turkish, we have so many different nationalities here
7 :
Hey Kaile, people like you are not the problem --- the problem are guys not going to school, robbing, dealing etc. German government spend a lot of money to integrate foreigners to german society. But turks have in a lot of german cities their own townships and that are no go areas for the others. (I must say, that is not true for Hamburg, but if you will have problems with a young guy --- it wil be not a russian, not an african, not an asian --- it will be a turk. The real problem --- german jurisdiction is worse. You see there was a young guy --- he made 63 robberies up to the age of 14. There was a big blablabla and they send him to Turkey. At that time crime of young foreigners decreased by 18%. But some times later they let him return and one year later they send him one and a half year to prison and that is a lot for a youngster in Germany. If you are a friendly normal citizen and you have problems with another one --- I bet the other one is a Turk --- that is the problem. It is not the problem --- that there are a lot of honest Turk people ---- but who likes always be compared with criminals ---- so very much honest turks flee off the country ---- that is the other problem. In the last 20 years I had 2 problems it were problems with turks. But I also have found some turk friends.
8 :
I lived in the infamous Kreuzberg district of Berlin, Germany's capital, and must say I never felt endangerd by the Turkish Youth Gangs (well, that's exaggerated in itself: They're not much more than we were when we were young), and I'd still feel safe there. One of my best friends (Turkish, by birth, German, by nationality) keeps joking about them in his Turkish language, which I don't perfectly understand. As I lived with Turkish Youth in Berlin, I'd stick with Douglas Adams' description in the "Hitchhiker's Guide": "Mostly Harmless." That doesn't mean that they're always harmless. I'm usually harmless, too, but can arrange for a beating when racist people (what we call "neo-Nazis") come along. The Turks I know feel well integrated into our society, and those who don't should think it over. And "Islam", as I learned, is not at all a uniform religion; it has as many facets and variations as Christianity. I talked a lot with Turkish people about their religion, and it made me read the Q'ran, and I found that it is a book among others, like the Bible, or the Bhagavad-Gita. There's some wisdom in it, but in "wisdom", there's "wise", so you have to treat it wisely.
9 :
as everywhere there's some sort of alienation. minorities have the tendency to become conservative when it comes to their values. so there's both, integrated turks (insert any other minority) and the frustrated ones who seek violence (gangs, fundamentalists). though of course that goes for the frustrated germans as well (gangs, hooligans, nazis...).
10 :
There are many good answers here already. One fact still missing - the change of society and the increase of poverty. This causes people who would normally be in jobs to sit on the streets and look for excitement in their dull surrounding. This stands for some Turkish juveniles as good as for some Germans or other nations' kids. The German ones shout, how bad the Turkish, Italian, Morocco (name the countries) are. The louder they shout and write in outlets like this, the more they are heard. Still, they are not many - just noisy. And they are taken much too serious. Nevertheless, after 9/11 mistrust developed towards people with muslim religion, sad to say. This resulted into the fact, that they, of course, moved together more closely and kept to themselves. Now, if a group keeps to themselves - more mistrust develops. Plus, the old conservative rules come out stronger - i.e. Turkish girls must marry Turkish boys, etc. This again finds even less understanding in German "simple framed" heads.... All together, in the normal German life you don't really find problems. Even the little wannabe Nazi buys his "Döner" at the Turkish shop not thinking about, who is serving him. :-)
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Saturday, June 28, 2008
Saturday, June 14, 2008
My boyfriend wants me to marry him, but I'm not ready
My boyfriend wants me to marry him, but I'm not ready!?
He and I have known each other for a very short period of time, and he gave me a promise ring before I left to go to Germany. I'm going to be here for the next two years, probably Turkey for 15 months, and then settling in Italy. He says now that we're engaged, and he's looking for diamond engagement rings, but I've told him that I'm not ready. I'm 19, and I want to get my degree in nursing and in art before anything drastic happens in my life. He's never met my parents, and he keeps thinking that I really don't want to get married because I want to wait. This makes no sense to me. I mean, shouldn't he want to wait? I don't want to have to split my attention between my future children and school, and I don't want to be financially unstable, so that's why I want to get education out of the way. I also am not ready for such a big commetment. He says that it's hard to trust me because everytime I raise the subject it's "one thing after another." Help!!
Marriage & Divorce - 46 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
If you're not ready, DON'T DO IT
2 :
Your 19 tell him to relax!
3 :
tell him exactly what you wrote. He can't read your mind so you just need to talk to him an explain why you want to wait. Good luck!
4 :
dont rush anything
5 :
Then don't get married...wow that wasn't hard to figure out.
6 :
Tell him to fuck off
7 :
This sounds like a failure, take your time, you are very young.
8 :
talk to him honestly about all your feelings,he should appreciate it.
9 :
Make sure you tell him and why. If he understand you then he love you and if he don't it is better for you to know now than then. Good luck.
10 :
well if he really loves u then he will wait till ur ready maybe her just thinks he is going to lose u becasue u are going to germany etc
11 :
he sounds odd...and it sounds like he is pressuring you for no reason...go with your gut...i say, you make him wait...your schooling is more important right now
12 :
You need to be BLUNT with him. Sometimes a guy doesnt understand, "Im not ready" whereas he might understand, I DO NOT WANT TO GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW! Just watch your words and make your point. Dont yell, dont get mad, just clarify for him that you are NOT going to get married. If he goes out and actually buys a ring for you, he is going to be devastated, so I suggest doing this as soon as possible.
13 :
Your right. Tell him to chill out. You might feel different in 3 months, 1 year, or 5 years but if you are not ready now than just say 'no'.
14 :
Send him a copy of your question. This guy sounds very insecure. Tell him that he doesn't get to decide that you are engaged; that you haven't accepted his proposal of marriage. A promise ring is not the real deal. You, on the other hand, sound like you are about to outgrow this guy. Tell him goodbye.
15 :
tell him the promise ring is enough for now. That after you get your education and stuff out of the way, and if your still going strong, then you might be ready to take the next step and get engaged. Don't let ANYONE pressure you. If he truly loves you, he'll want what's best for you and he'll respect your wishes. He may want to tie you down because he has nothing else going on in his life. Tell him to focus on himself.
16 :
Explain to him why you dont want to marry yet. Assure him of your love and faithfulness. If he truly loves you, he shoudl wait
17 :
Get out pen and paper and write the following. I do not want to marry you. Please do not contact me ever again. You are a stalker and probably unstable. Please seek professional help.
18 :
Don't get married, unless you are 100% sure of that is what you want. If you get married on a whim, or when you're not sure, then only disaster can result.
19 :
Stick to your guns! DO NOT let him pressure you into doing something you know you are not ready for! It may be difficult, but it will be much harder being married when you're not ready.
20 :
Well you r 19 plz take your time you have the rest of your life to settle down take it from me i was 20 when i got married never got to go college or anything take your time
21 :
Send him back his promise ring and get out of this Toxic insecure persons life while you can. Not sharing a common future plan is not sharing a common future life. Just get out now , you ll meet someone new.
22 :
You are way too young to marry, especially if you are not ready. As you travel the world your tastes will change. You may or may not wish to be with this person for the rest of your life after these experiences. If you are both truly in love he will wait and so will you. If not be kind and break it off now and give back the promise ring. Be nice and explain you are not yet ready. You can choose to be friends but I doubt he will accept that if he wants to marry. A clean break is much kinder.
23 :
Your boyfriend sounds like a controlling whackjob. If you aren't ready to get married, then don't get married. End of story. And yes, you should finish whatever degrees that you want to get first before you decide on anything else. First and foremost, it is YOUR life.
24 :
Just go for another one!
25 :
Have you told him that you want to have your schooling out of the way before getting married and starting a family? Tell him again and if he can't understand that it might be time to part ways because that is not respecting you or your wishes for the future.
26 :
19 are you ensane???? i was when i got married at 20!!! don't do it, wait until 30 at least, your 20's should be fun and not tied down with kids and hubby.
27 :
Tell your boyfriend that you want to wait after college to get married. Unless you keep changing the subject when he brings it up. Don't let him think different than what he thinks now or else he will think something really bad.
28 :
WHAT? He's trying to pressure you into marriage. I can keep my cool about some pretty fucked up things, but that's the fast track to joining the 50-some percent of Americans that end up getting divorced. Be very assertive, and tell him you're not comfortable with how he's pressuring you when he tries to do it again. Trust me, giving in will make it easier now, but so much harder in the future, and you're VERY young- I'm 18, and have enough friends my age or younger who have kids. No fun. Enjoy your youth, you only get it once.
29 :
The guy sounds pushy and incapable of accepting rejection. Once you go abroad, you can forget about him. Two years over there, focusing on your studies, preparing for your future, sounds like you've got your head on straight. Give him back his ring. Tell him there isn't nor ever was an engagement, and that he is just going to have to accept it.
30 :
It sounds like he is very insecure and there isn't much you can do about it. If you are not ready then tell him in no uncertain terms that you are not ready. Let him know that once you are in your last year of nursing that you would like him to "surprise" you with an engagement ring, but that you will say no anytime before then...and then stick to it. He will either have to deal with it or move on. You seem to have your head on straight...keep it that way! As a mom of three boys who is just finishing my BA now I have to say that I wish I would have done it before the kids. I still have a year and a half of grad school left!
31 :
I'm 23. I got married at 20 and divorced at 21. I dated for 5 years before getting married. I would not recommend getting married that young. Finish your college. If he's wanting to marry you that bad, he'll wait and if not, then he's probably desperate. College can take you a few years unmarried or many years married, I would say take a few years and get it done and out of the way so you can focus more on your career and family later.
32 :
You're far too young and sensible for marriage and if he's too immature to understand this, I strongly suggest you end things with him. He sounds far too intense and clingy, which will not be pleasant to live with. Send him on his way and live your dream. Good luck.
33 :
GIRL DONT GIVE IN, IF THAT IS HOW YOU FEEL THEN THATS HOW YOU FEEL, THIS IS YOUR LIFE AND YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS TO LIVE WITH THE DECISIONS THAT YOU MAKE. FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND YOUR MIND. ITS GREAT THAT YOU BELIEVE THAT WAY. I WAS THE RETARD THAT RAN OFF AND GOT MARRIED, AND THOU I LEARNED ALOT. I KINDA WISHED I WOULDNT HAVE.
34 :
"...he keeps thinking that I really don't want to get married because I want to wait." Did you tell him that or does he just think that? Do not do anything you are not prepared for especially marriage. I know I don't have to tell you that but I am anyway. You will ruin both of your lives if the time is not right. You are 19. How old is he? If he is as young as you then he needs to do a bit more living to do (as do you) before he can figure out what he really wants in life. If he's not willing to wait then he needs to move on and get over you. Your experiences traveling alone will probably reinforce the sentiment that you don't want to settle down. He should try the same.
35 :
If you are not ready, you need to tell him to stop pressuring you. You are only 19. Don't do it just because that's what he wants, you will regret it. Why is he in such a big hurry anyway? I also believe that if this were the right guy, you wouldn't be worried about whether your degree or your marriage came first and if he cares enough about you, he will consider your feelings. Maybe he needs to move on, you are obviously at different points in your lives. Also, just because you get married while you are in school, doesn't mean that you have to have children right away, you can still wait on that. I would just give it a lot of thought. Is the possibility of losing this guy or finishing your education first more important to you? That's the ultimate question!
36 :
YOU CANT MARRY HIM. TELL HIM WHAT UP. IF YOU MARRY HIM YOU WILL BE UNHAPPY AND MAD ALL THE TIME. TELL HIM AGAIN I WANT TO BE MARRIED SOON. IF HE CANT WAIT ON YOU THEN HES NO THE ONE FOR.
37 :
It seems to me that you are the one that is ready to get married, not him. You know what you want and when. You have a plan, and you know what is needed to be married. On the other hand, he seems to be just in a hurry and acting a little immature. I can’t really be sure, but for the little things you wrote, it makes me think this way. Have a nice talk with him, and don’t say much, just ask him what are his plans, what is it that he wants to do after marrying you. Listen to his answers, and you will know if he is prepared or if he is just going crazy and trying to marry you in a hurry. If he has actually a plan, and understand what is involved when you get married and how you guys would be a new family and that you guys would have to take care of that family, then he might be ready, so you two just need to work it out, and figure out when it would be better to do this step. But if is as I suspect and he is not ready, then it is gonna be hard for you because you must explain what is going on and how much he needs to mature before he can really think of getting married. Chances are he is going to be mad and if he doesn’t grow up, he might even think of leaving you. But this is a risk you have to take anyways, and just do your best trying to letting him see reality. Hopefully he will understand and will calm down and start planning for something real. Good luck.
38 :
You need to take care of things YOU feel are important right now. If you're not ready and want get things "out of the way", then you need to do just that. I GUARANTEE, if you cave to the pressure you will second guess and regret for the rest of your life. Do what you need to do, then, when you have accomplished that, if marrying him is still an open option, address it then. And he obviously is not on the same track. If he does not want to wait, then maybe his desire to "married" is greater than his desire to be with you. If he is just looking to be married, and you're not ready, maybe he is not for you (or at least not for now). Just something to think about. But most of all, don't cave if you're not ready. Good Luck!!
39 :
Just sit him down and explain everything, let him know that pushing you is not the answer to the problem. When you get married you should be happy and willing. It is good that you want to establish yourself in a career before marriage. Tell him tha you want to make sure things are set and ok before going down that road. Especially seeing as children and travel take a lot of money. If he continues to push you have to really think about how life with this kind of person may be like, such as how will he be if I do not want kids right away, or if you want to live one place and he wants to be somewhere different. If he cannot take your feelings into consideration he is not totally caring about you. tell him that if he loaves you, then he can wait for you. People stay together long times without having to make it legal. And that is all it is. Tell him that you can make a promise to him and a commitment without the legality of it. My aunt and uncle have been together for 27 years and they are not married, they feel that when you marry and something goes wrong you immediately run out and get a divorce and that is expensive and stupid. Do what you feel is right and not what he thinks you should do. Good Luck : )
40 :
I think you should tell him that you love him but you're not ready 2 settle down yet and you want 2 achieve other goals in your life right now. And If he doesn't understand and wait till u are ready. Well he's not the 1 for U. Cuz if he loved u he would wait 4 u. P.S Don't rush in 2 anything if ur not ready!! I hope this is helpful 2 U.
41 :
then get rid of him if he cant respect what you want
42 :
Stick to your plans. You have a say in what happens in your life, and your feeling is that you want to wait. Don't let anyone pressure you into something that doesn't feel quite right. He sounds desperate, and it's not a good thing. Take your time, and things will sort themselves out; if he decides to leave you because you have your own head on your shoulders, then I'd say good riddance. You have plenty of time to pursue your dreams, don't let anyone cheat you out of any of them.
43 :
You don't have to make excuses, "I'm not ready to talk about marriage" should suffice. If it doesn't, he could be too controlling, and you don't need THAT for sure. Don't get married just because you feel pressured to do so. Just because he's ready, doesn't mean you should be. This may not be the guy for you. If he's not willing to give you your space, then you may just need to move on. It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life anyway.
44 :
Why does getting married automatically equal children?? If you're having sex now, you can still have a baby and be forced with the predicament where you have divide your attention between school and a family. So you putting not being ready for children as your reason to not want to get married right now, is bull. I say its bull because none of the fears you have about getting married, would stop you from fulfilling your goals. You want to prioritize and your career goals rank higher on the list than your relationship and PREFER to complete school before getting married. There is nothing wrong with that. By the way, how can he tell you that you're engaged? That's not something you're informed of. It's mutually decided and then plans start being made. A promise ring is not an engagement ring. Also, his time table doesn't have to yours. It should not suprise you that you two are two different places regarding your relationship. I can understand you not wanting the commitment of a relationship, with you wanting to study abroad. I know you probably love your boyfriend but but if he doesn't support your goals, you're wasting your time with him. Not to mention, I assume you guys are around the same age, has he mentioned any kind of goals that he wants to pursue? Does he have a job? If not, you don't want to marry him anyway. He'll just slow you down.
45 :
show him a copy of your e- mail and ask him to understand.
46 :
I think you are right on target. Don't marry him. Your whole life is in front of you. Bet he is not educated himself. My husband and I are both professionals. Even with good jobs you may struggle to educate your children Ours are grown, both have a good education. There were times we struggled to be sure they had what we felt they needed. I can't imagine what uneducated people even talk about in their older years. or how they support a family in these times.
47 :
If you are not ready to get married don't do it, Sit him down and explain to him that you love and you want to be with him but you are not ready "YET" for that big step.. He is going to be hurt for awhile but then he will calm down.. Also let him know that when you are ready you will let him know. Good Luck
Read more discussion :
He and I have known each other for a very short period of time, and he gave me a promise ring before I left to go to Germany. I'm going to be here for the next two years, probably Turkey for 15 months, and then settling in Italy. He says now that we're engaged, and he's looking for diamond engagement rings, but I've told him that I'm not ready. I'm 19, and I want to get my degree in nursing and in art before anything drastic happens in my life. He's never met my parents, and he keeps thinking that I really don't want to get married because I want to wait. This makes no sense to me. I mean, shouldn't he want to wait? I don't want to have to split my attention between my future children and school, and I don't want to be financially unstable, so that's why I want to get education out of the way. I also am not ready for such a big commetment. He says that it's hard to trust me because everytime I raise the subject it's "one thing after another." Help!!
Marriage & Divorce - 46 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
If you're not ready, DON'T DO IT
2 :
Your 19 tell him to relax!
3 :
tell him exactly what you wrote. He can't read your mind so you just need to talk to him an explain why you want to wait. Good luck!
4 :
dont rush anything
5 :
Then don't get married...wow that wasn't hard to figure out.
6 :
Tell him to fuck off
7 :
This sounds like a failure, take your time, you are very young.
8 :
talk to him honestly about all your feelings,he should appreciate it.
9 :
Make sure you tell him and why. If he understand you then he love you and if he don't it is better for you to know now than then. Good luck.
10 :
well if he really loves u then he will wait till ur ready maybe her just thinks he is going to lose u becasue u are going to germany etc
11 :
he sounds odd...and it sounds like he is pressuring you for no reason...go with your gut...i say, you make him wait...your schooling is more important right now
12 :
You need to be BLUNT with him. Sometimes a guy doesnt understand, "Im not ready" whereas he might understand, I DO NOT WANT TO GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW! Just watch your words and make your point. Dont yell, dont get mad, just clarify for him that you are NOT going to get married. If he goes out and actually buys a ring for you, he is going to be devastated, so I suggest doing this as soon as possible.
13 :
Your right. Tell him to chill out. You might feel different in 3 months, 1 year, or 5 years but if you are not ready now than just say 'no'.
14 :
Send him a copy of your question. This guy sounds very insecure. Tell him that he doesn't get to decide that you are engaged; that you haven't accepted his proposal of marriage. A promise ring is not the real deal. You, on the other hand, sound like you are about to outgrow this guy. Tell him goodbye.
15 :
tell him the promise ring is enough for now. That after you get your education and stuff out of the way, and if your still going strong, then you might be ready to take the next step and get engaged. Don't let ANYONE pressure you. If he truly loves you, he'll want what's best for you and he'll respect your wishes. He may want to tie you down because he has nothing else going on in his life. Tell him to focus on himself.
16 :
Explain to him why you dont want to marry yet. Assure him of your love and faithfulness. If he truly loves you, he shoudl wait
17 :
Get out pen and paper and write the following. I do not want to marry you. Please do not contact me ever again. You are a stalker and probably unstable. Please seek professional help.
18 :
Don't get married, unless you are 100% sure of that is what you want. If you get married on a whim, or when you're not sure, then only disaster can result.
19 :
Stick to your guns! DO NOT let him pressure you into doing something you know you are not ready for! It may be difficult, but it will be much harder being married when you're not ready.
20 :
Well you r 19 plz take your time you have the rest of your life to settle down take it from me i was 20 when i got married never got to go college or anything take your time
21 :
Send him back his promise ring and get out of this Toxic insecure persons life while you can. Not sharing a common future plan is not sharing a common future life. Just get out now , you ll meet someone new.
22 :
You are way too young to marry, especially if you are not ready. As you travel the world your tastes will change. You may or may not wish to be with this person for the rest of your life after these experiences. If you are both truly in love he will wait and so will you. If not be kind and break it off now and give back the promise ring. Be nice and explain you are not yet ready. You can choose to be friends but I doubt he will accept that if he wants to marry. A clean break is much kinder.
23 :
Your boyfriend sounds like a controlling whackjob. If you aren't ready to get married, then don't get married. End of story. And yes, you should finish whatever degrees that you want to get first before you decide on anything else. First and foremost, it is YOUR life.
24 :
Just go for another one!
25 :
Have you told him that you want to have your schooling out of the way before getting married and starting a family? Tell him again and if he can't understand that it might be time to part ways because that is not respecting you or your wishes for the future.
26 :
19 are you ensane???? i was when i got married at 20!!! don't do it, wait until 30 at least, your 20's should be fun and not tied down with kids and hubby.
27 :
Tell your boyfriend that you want to wait after college to get married. Unless you keep changing the subject when he brings it up. Don't let him think different than what he thinks now or else he will think something really bad.
28 :
WHAT? He's trying to pressure you into marriage. I can keep my cool about some pretty fucked up things, but that's the fast track to joining the 50-some percent of Americans that end up getting divorced. Be very assertive, and tell him you're not comfortable with how he's pressuring you when he tries to do it again. Trust me, giving in will make it easier now, but so much harder in the future, and you're VERY young- I'm 18, and have enough friends my age or younger who have kids. No fun. Enjoy your youth, you only get it once.
29 :
The guy sounds pushy and incapable of accepting rejection. Once you go abroad, you can forget about him. Two years over there, focusing on your studies, preparing for your future, sounds like you've got your head on straight. Give him back his ring. Tell him there isn't nor ever was an engagement, and that he is just going to have to accept it.
30 :
It sounds like he is very insecure and there isn't much you can do about it. If you are not ready then tell him in no uncertain terms that you are not ready. Let him know that once you are in your last year of nursing that you would like him to "surprise" you with an engagement ring, but that you will say no anytime before then...and then stick to it. He will either have to deal with it or move on. You seem to have your head on straight...keep it that way! As a mom of three boys who is just finishing my BA now I have to say that I wish I would have done it before the kids. I still have a year and a half of grad school left!
31 :
I'm 23. I got married at 20 and divorced at 21. I dated for 5 years before getting married. I would not recommend getting married that young. Finish your college. If he's wanting to marry you that bad, he'll wait and if not, then he's probably desperate. College can take you a few years unmarried or many years married, I would say take a few years and get it done and out of the way so you can focus more on your career and family later.
32 :
You're far too young and sensible for marriage and if he's too immature to understand this, I strongly suggest you end things with him. He sounds far too intense and clingy, which will not be pleasant to live with. Send him on his way and live your dream. Good luck.
33 :
GIRL DONT GIVE IN, IF THAT IS HOW YOU FEEL THEN THATS HOW YOU FEEL, THIS IS YOUR LIFE AND YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS TO LIVE WITH THE DECISIONS THAT YOU MAKE. FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND YOUR MIND. ITS GREAT THAT YOU BELIEVE THAT WAY. I WAS THE RETARD THAT RAN OFF AND GOT MARRIED, AND THOU I LEARNED ALOT. I KINDA WISHED I WOULDNT HAVE.
34 :
"...he keeps thinking that I really don't want to get married because I want to wait." Did you tell him that or does he just think that? Do not do anything you are not prepared for especially marriage. I know I don't have to tell you that but I am anyway. You will ruin both of your lives if the time is not right. You are 19. How old is he? If he is as young as you then he needs to do a bit more living to do (as do you) before he can figure out what he really wants in life. If he's not willing to wait then he needs to move on and get over you. Your experiences traveling alone will probably reinforce the sentiment that you don't want to settle down. He should try the same.
35 :
If you are not ready, you need to tell him to stop pressuring you. You are only 19. Don't do it just because that's what he wants, you will regret it. Why is he in such a big hurry anyway? I also believe that if this were the right guy, you wouldn't be worried about whether your degree or your marriage came first and if he cares enough about you, he will consider your feelings. Maybe he needs to move on, you are obviously at different points in your lives. Also, just because you get married while you are in school, doesn't mean that you have to have children right away, you can still wait on that. I would just give it a lot of thought. Is the possibility of losing this guy or finishing your education first more important to you? That's the ultimate question!
36 :
YOU CANT MARRY HIM. TELL HIM WHAT UP. IF YOU MARRY HIM YOU WILL BE UNHAPPY AND MAD ALL THE TIME. TELL HIM AGAIN I WANT TO BE MARRIED SOON. IF HE CANT WAIT ON YOU THEN HES NO THE ONE FOR.
37 :
It seems to me that you are the one that is ready to get married, not him. You know what you want and when. You have a plan, and you know what is needed to be married. On the other hand, he seems to be just in a hurry and acting a little immature. I can’t really be sure, but for the little things you wrote, it makes me think this way. Have a nice talk with him, and don’t say much, just ask him what are his plans, what is it that he wants to do after marrying you. Listen to his answers, and you will know if he is prepared or if he is just going crazy and trying to marry you in a hurry. If he has actually a plan, and understand what is involved when you get married and how you guys would be a new family and that you guys would have to take care of that family, then he might be ready, so you two just need to work it out, and figure out when it would be better to do this step. But if is as I suspect and he is not ready, then it is gonna be hard for you because you must explain what is going on and how much he needs to mature before he can really think of getting married. Chances are he is going to be mad and if he doesn’t grow up, he might even think of leaving you. But this is a risk you have to take anyways, and just do your best trying to letting him see reality. Hopefully he will understand and will calm down and start planning for something real. Good luck.
38 :
You need to take care of things YOU feel are important right now. If you're not ready and want get things "out of the way", then you need to do just that. I GUARANTEE, if you cave to the pressure you will second guess and regret for the rest of your life. Do what you need to do, then, when you have accomplished that, if marrying him is still an open option, address it then. And he obviously is not on the same track. If he does not want to wait, then maybe his desire to "married" is greater than his desire to be with you. If he is just looking to be married, and you're not ready, maybe he is not for you (or at least not for now). Just something to think about. But most of all, don't cave if you're not ready. Good Luck!!
39 :
Just sit him down and explain everything, let him know that pushing you is not the answer to the problem. When you get married you should be happy and willing. It is good that you want to establish yourself in a career before marriage. Tell him tha you want to make sure things are set and ok before going down that road. Especially seeing as children and travel take a lot of money. If he continues to push you have to really think about how life with this kind of person may be like, such as how will he be if I do not want kids right away, or if you want to live one place and he wants to be somewhere different. If he cannot take your feelings into consideration he is not totally caring about you. tell him that if he loaves you, then he can wait for you. People stay together long times without having to make it legal. And that is all it is. Tell him that you can make a promise to him and a commitment without the legality of it. My aunt and uncle have been together for 27 years and they are not married, they feel that when you marry and something goes wrong you immediately run out and get a divorce and that is expensive and stupid. Do what you feel is right and not what he thinks you should do. Good Luck : )
40 :
I think you should tell him that you love him but you're not ready 2 settle down yet and you want 2 achieve other goals in your life right now. And If he doesn't understand and wait till u are ready. Well he's not the 1 for U. Cuz if he loved u he would wait 4 u. P.S Don't rush in 2 anything if ur not ready!! I hope this is helpful 2 U.
41 :
then get rid of him if he cant respect what you want
42 :
Stick to your plans. You have a say in what happens in your life, and your feeling is that you want to wait. Don't let anyone pressure you into something that doesn't feel quite right. He sounds desperate, and it's not a good thing. Take your time, and things will sort themselves out; if he decides to leave you because you have your own head on your shoulders, then I'd say good riddance. You have plenty of time to pursue your dreams, don't let anyone cheat you out of any of them.
43 :
You don't have to make excuses, "I'm not ready to talk about marriage" should suffice. If it doesn't, he could be too controlling, and you don't need THAT for sure. Don't get married just because you feel pressured to do so. Just because he's ready, doesn't mean you should be. This may not be the guy for you. If he's not willing to give you your space, then you may just need to move on. It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life anyway.
44 :
Why does getting married automatically equal children?? If you're having sex now, you can still have a baby and be forced with the predicament where you have divide your attention between school and a family. So you putting not being ready for children as your reason to not want to get married right now, is bull. I say its bull because none of the fears you have about getting married, would stop you from fulfilling your goals. You want to prioritize and your career goals rank higher on the list than your relationship and PREFER to complete school before getting married. There is nothing wrong with that. By the way, how can he tell you that you're engaged? That's not something you're informed of. It's mutually decided and then plans start being made. A promise ring is not an engagement ring. Also, his time table doesn't have to yours. It should not suprise you that you two are two different places regarding your relationship. I can understand you not wanting the commitment of a relationship, with you wanting to study abroad. I know you probably love your boyfriend but but if he doesn't support your goals, you're wasting your time with him. Not to mention, I assume you guys are around the same age, has he mentioned any kind of goals that he wants to pursue? Does he have a job? If not, you don't want to marry him anyway. He'll just slow you down.
45 :
show him a copy of your e- mail and ask him to understand.
46 :
I think you are right on target. Don't marry him. Your whole life is in front of you. Bet he is not educated himself. My husband and I are both professionals. Even with good jobs you may struggle to educate your children Ours are grown, both have a good education. There were times we struggled to be sure they had what we felt they needed. I can't imagine what uneducated people even talk about in their older years. or how they support a family in these times.
47 :
If you are not ready to get married don't do it, Sit him down and explain to him that you love and you want to be with him but you are not ready "YET" for that big step.. He is going to be hurt for awhile but then he will calm down.. Also let him know that when you are ready you will let him know. Good Luck
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Saturday, June 7, 2008
German population in Chicago
German population in Chicago?
I am thinking of moving to Chicago after finishing my nursing degree. My aunt told me Chicago has a lot of German influence and culture. I figure a city with a high german population is the next best thing to actually living in Germany.LOL I'm looking for a city where there is large German and/or Dutch population. I have a child (school-age) so I don't want to live somewhere crawling with crime. I don't drive (don't ask! LOL). I will have a BSN/RN soon. Any germans/ dutchy's out there? I could use some penpals! ;)
Chicago - 5 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Then move to Milwaukee. That's were the Germans went. There are more Poles, Italians and Mexicans than Germans in Chicago and I honestly couldn't tell you were the German neighborhoods are!
2 :
yeah, i agree with above answer. There are German people here, but not a lot. I dont know of any German neighborhoods.
3 :
Chicago IS crawling with crime. Key West is a lovely place, I don't know about germans there, but the average nationality is alcoholic. Wasted away again........
4 :
Lincoln Square was once Chicago's German neighborhood, but the German population has assimilated over the decades and is so not very prominent here--at least not to the extent it once was. As other posters noted, you might want to look into moving to Milwaukee, if a German community is important to you. I am sure, however, that you could find German clubs, etc., here, but you would have to be proactive about finding this community.
5 :
Milwaukee or St. Louis. I live in St. Louis, and there are a lot of Germans here. Quite a few of the Bosnians here speak German too. Michigan has a lot of German towns also, like Frankenmuth.
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I am thinking of moving to Chicago after finishing my nursing degree. My aunt told me Chicago has a lot of German influence and culture. I figure a city with a high german population is the next best thing to actually living in Germany.LOL I'm looking for a city where there is large German and/or Dutch population. I have a child (school-age) so I don't want to live somewhere crawling with crime. I don't drive (don't ask! LOL). I will have a BSN/RN soon. Any germans/ dutchy's out there? I could use some penpals! ;)
Chicago - 5 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Then move to Milwaukee. That's were the Germans went. There are more Poles, Italians and Mexicans than Germans in Chicago and I honestly couldn't tell you were the German neighborhoods are!
2 :
yeah, i agree with above answer. There are German people here, but not a lot. I dont know of any German neighborhoods.
3 :
Chicago IS crawling with crime. Key West is a lovely place, I don't know about germans there, but the average nationality is alcoholic. Wasted away again........
4 :
Lincoln Square was once Chicago's German neighborhood, but the German population has assimilated over the decades and is so not very prominent here--at least not to the extent it once was. As other posters noted, you might want to look into moving to Milwaukee, if a German community is important to you. I am sure, however, that you could find German clubs, etc., here, but you would have to be proactive about finding this community.
5 :
Milwaukee or St. Louis. I live in St. Louis, and there are a lot of Germans here. Quite a few of the Bosnians here speak German too. Michigan has a lot of German towns also, like Frankenmuth.
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Sunday, June 1, 2008
Can someone give me some information about the NROTC scholarship
Can someone give me some information about the NROTC scholarship?
From what I understand this scholarship gives you up to $180,000 in money for your education in any field but then it says "Upon receiving a bachelor degree, you will be commissioned as an Ensign (0-1) in the United States Navy" and "Can apply for Navy or Nurse Corps (must major in a nursing degree program leading to a BSN)". Can someone explain what an Ensign is. Do they have much freedom as in ability to do things? How long do you have to stay with the navy if you get this scholarship? Is the navy a good career, like can you be stationed cool places like Germany? I am also thinking of majoring in dental hygiene, would this scholarship be a good option for me? Thanks. I am so confused right now.
Other - Education - 1 Answers
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1 :
I found some info about getting this scholarship online in this scholarship database - scholarships.onlinewebshop.net
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From what I understand this scholarship gives you up to $180,000 in money for your education in any field but then it says "Upon receiving a bachelor degree, you will be commissioned as an Ensign (0-1) in the United States Navy" and "Can apply for Navy or Nurse Corps (must major in a nursing degree program leading to a BSN)". Can someone explain what an Ensign is. Do they have much freedom as in ability to do things? How long do you have to stay with the navy if you get this scholarship? Is the navy a good career, like can you be stationed cool places like Germany? I am also thinking of majoring in dental hygiene, would this scholarship be a good option for me? Thanks. I am so confused right now.
Other - Education - 1 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I found some info about getting this scholarship online in this scholarship database - scholarships.onlinewebshop.net
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