My boyfriend wants me to marry him, but I'm not ready!?
He and I have known each other for a very short period of time, and he gave me a promise ring before I left to go to Germany. I'm going to be here for the next two years, probably Turkey for 15 months, and then settling in Italy. He says now that we're engaged, and he's looking for diamond engagement rings, but I've told him that I'm not ready. I'm 19, and I want to get my degree in nursing and in art before anything drastic happens in my life. He's never met my parents, and he keeps thinking that I really don't want to get married because I want to wait. This makes no sense to me. I mean, shouldn't he want to wait? I don't want to have to split my attention between my future children and school, and I don't want to be financially unstable, so that's why I want to get education out of the way. I also am not ready for such a big commetment. He says that it's hard to trust me because everytime I raise the subject it's "one thing after another." Help!!
Marriage & Divorce - 46 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
If you're not ready, DON'T DO IT
2 :
Your 19 tell him to relax!
3 :
tell him exactly what you wrote. He can't read your mind so you just need to talk to him an explain why you want to wait. Good luck!
4 :
dont rush anything
5 :
Then don't get married...wow that wasn't hard to figure out.
6 :
Tell him to fuck off
7 :
This sounds like a failure, take your time, you are very young.
8 :
talk to him honestly about all your feelings,he should appreciate it.
9 :
Make sure you tell him and why. If he understand you then he love you and if he don't it is better for you to know now than then. Good luck.
10 :
well if he really loves u then he will wait till ur ready maybe her just thinks he is going to lose u becasue u are going to germany etc
11 :
he sounds odd...and it sounds like he is pressuring you for no reason...go with your gut...i say, you make him wait...your schooling is more important right now
12 :
You need to be BLUNT with him. Sometimes a guy doesnt understand, "Im not ready" whereas he might understand, I DO NOT WANT TO GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW! Just watch your words and make your point. Dont yell, dont get mad, just clarify for him that you are NOT going to get married. If he goes out and actually buys a ring for you, he is going to be devastated, so I suggest doing this as soon as possible.
13 :
Your right. Tell him to chill out. You might feel different in 3 months, 1 year, or 5 years but if you are not ready now than just say 'no'.
14 :
Send him a copy of your question. This guy sounds very insecure. Tell him that he doesn't get to decide that you are engaged; that you haven't accepted his proposal of marriage. A promise ring is not the real deal. You, on the other hand, sound like you are about to outgrow this guy. Tell him goodbye.
15 :
tell him the promise ring is enough for now. That after you get your education and stuff out of the way, and if your still going strong, then you might be ready to take the next step and get engaged. Don't let ANYONE pressure you. If he truly loves you, he'll want what's best for you and he'll respect your wishes. He may want to tie you down because he has nothing else going on in his life. Tell him to focus on himself.
16 :
Explain to him why you dont want to marry yet. Assure him of your love and faithfulness. If he truly loves you, he shoudl wait
17 :
Get out pen and paper and write the following. I do not want to marry you. Please do not contact me ever again. You are a stalker and probably unstable. Please seek professional help.
18 :
Don't get married, unless you are 100% sure of that is what you want. If you get married on a whim, or when you're not sure, then only disaster can result.
19 :
Stick to your guns! DO NOT let him pressure you into doing something you know you are not ready for! It may be difficult, but it will be much harder being married when you're not ready.
20 :
Well you r 19 plz take your time you have the rest of your life to settle down take it from me i was 20 when i got married never got to go college or anything take your time
21 :
Send him back his promise ring and get out of this Toxic insecure persons life while you can. Not sharing a common future plan is not sharing a common future life. Just get out now , you ll meet someone new.
22 :
You are way too young to marry, especially if you are not ready. As you travel the world your tastes will change. You may or may not wish to be with this person for the rest of your life after these experiences. If you are both truly in love he will wait and so will you. If not be kind and break it off now and give back the promise ring. Be nice and explain you are not yet ready. You can choose to be friends but I doubt he will accept that if he wants to marry. A clean break is much kinder.
23 :
Your boyfriend sounds like a controlling whackjob. If you aren't ready to get married, then don't get married. End of story. And yes, you should finish whatever degrees that you want to get first before you decide on anything else. First and foremost, it is YOUR life.
24 :
Just go for another one!
25 :
Have you told him that you want to have your schooling out of the way before getting married and starting a family? Tell him again and if he can't understand that it might be time to part ways because that is not respecting you or your wishes for the future.
26 :
19 are you ensane???? i was when i got married at 20!!! don't do it, wait until 30 at least, your 20's should be fun and not tied down with kids and hubby.
27 :
Tell your boyfriend that you want to wait after college to get married. Unless you keep changing the subject when he brings it up. Don't let him think different than what he thinks now or else he will think something really bad.
28 :
WHAT? He's trying to pressure you into marriage. I can keep my cool about some pretty fucked up things, but that's the fast track to joining the 50-some percent of Americans that end up getting divorced. Be very assertive, and tell him you're not comfortable with how he's pressuring you when he tries to do it again. Trust me, giving in will make it easier now, but so much harder in the future, and you're VERY young- I'm 18, and have enough friends my age or younger who have kids. No fun. Enjoy your youth, you only get it once.
29 :
The guy sounds pushy and incapable of accepting rejection. Once you go abroad, you can forget about him. Two years over there, focusing on your studies, preparing for your future, sounds like you've got your head on straight. Give him back his ring. Tell him there isn't nor ever was an engagement, and that he is just going to have to accept it.
30 :
It sounds like he is very insecure and there isn't much you can do about it. If you are not ready then tell him in no uncertain terms that you are not ready. Let him know that once you are in your last year of nursing that you would like him to "surprise" you with an engagement ring, but that you will say no anytime before then...and then stick to it. He will either have to deal with it or move on. You seem to have your head on straight...keep it that way! As a mom of three boys who is just finishing my BA now I have to say that I wish I would have done it before the kids. I still have a year and a half of grad school left!
31 :
I'm 23. I got married at 20 and divorced at 21. I dated for 5 years before getting married. I would not recommend getting married that young. Finish your college. If he's wanting to marry you that bad, he'll wait and if not, then he's probably desperate. College can take you a few years unmarried or many years married, I would say take a few years and get it done and out of the way so you can focus more on your career and family later.
32 :
You're far too young and sensible for marriage and if he's too immature to understand this, I strongly suggest you end things with him. He sounds far too intense and clingy, which will not be pleasant to live with. Send him on his way and live your dream. Good luck.
33 :
GIRL DONT GIVE IN, IF THAT IS HOW YOU FEEL THEN THATS HOW YOU FEEL, THIS IS YOUR LIFE AND YOU ARE THE ONLY ONE THAT HAS TO LIVE WITH THE DECISIONS THAT YOU MAKE. FOLLOW YOUR HEART AND YOUR MIND. ITS GREAT THAT YOU BELIEVE THAT WAY. I WAS THE RETARD THAT RAN OFF AND GOT MARRIED, AND THOU I LEARNED ALOT. I KINDA WISHED I WOULDNT HAVE.
34 :
"...he keeps thinking that I really don't want to get married because I want to wait." Did you tell him that or does he just think that? Do not do anything you are not prepared for especially marriage. I know I don't have to tell you that but I am anyway. You will ruin both of your lives if the time is not right. You are 19. How old is he? If he is as young as you then he needs to do a bit more living to do (as do you) before he can figure out what he really wants in life. If he's not willing to wait then he needs to move on and get over you. Your experiences traveling alone will probably reinforce the sentiment that you don't want to settle down. He should try the same.
35 :
If you are not ready, you need to tell him to stop pressuring you. You are only 19. Don't do it just because that's what he wants, you will regret it. Why is he in such a big hurry anyway? I also believe that if this were the right guy, you wouldn't be worried about whether your degree or your marriage came first and if he cares enough about you, he will consider your feelings. Maybe he needs to move on, you are obviously at different points in your lives. Also, just because you get married while you are in school, doesn't mean that you have to have children right away, you can still wait on that. I would just give it a lot of thought. Is the possibility of losing this guy or finishing your education first more important to you? That's the ultimate question!
36 :
YOU CANT MARRY HIM. TELL HIM WHAT UP. IF YOU MARRY HIM YOU WILL BE UNHAPPY AND MAD ALL THE TIME. TELL HIM AGAIN I WANT TO BE MARRIED SOON. IF HE CANT WAIT ON YOU THEN HES NO THE ONE FOR.
37 :
It seems to me that you are the one that is ready to get married, not him. You know what you want and when. You have a plan, and you know what is needed to be married. On the other hand, he seems to be just in a hurry and acting a little immature. I can’t really be sure, but for the little things you wrote, it makes me think this way. Have a nice talk with him, and don’t say much, just ask him what are his plans, what is it that he wants to do after marrying you. Listen to his answers, and you will know if he is prepared or if he is just going crazy and trying to marry you in a hurry. If he has actually a plan, and understand what is involved when you get married and how you guys would be a new family and that you guys would have to take care of that family, then he might be ready, so you two just need to work it out, and figure out when it would be better to do this step. But if is as I suspect and he is not ready, then it is gonna be hard for you because you must explain what is going on and how much he needs to mature before he can really think of getting married. Chances are he is going to be mad and if he doesn’t grow up, he might even think of leaving you. But this is a risk you have to take anyways, and just do your best trying to letting him see reality. Hopefully he will understand and will calm down and start planning for something real. Good luck.
38 :
You need to take care of things YOU feel are important right now. If you're not ready and want get things "out of the way", then you need to do just that. I GUARANTEE, if you cave to the pressure you will second guess and regret for the rest of your life. Do what you need to do, then, when you have accomplished that, if marrying him is still an open option, address it then. And he obviously is not on the same track. If he does not want to wait, then maybe his desire to "married" is greater than his desire to be with you. If he is just looking to be married, and you're not ready, maybe he is not for you (or at least not for now). Just something to think about. But most of all, don't cave if you're not ready. Good Luck!!
39 :
Just sit him down and explain everything, let him know that pushing you is not the answer to the problem. When you get married you should be happy and willing. It is good that you want to establish yourself in a career before marriage. Tell him tha you want to make sure things are set and ok before going down that road. Especially seeing as children and travel take a lot of money. If he continues to push you have to really think about how life with this kind of person may be like, such as how will he be if I do not want kids right away, or if you want to live one place and he wants to be somewhere different. If he cannot take your feelings into consideration he is not totally caring about you. tell him that if he loaves you, then he can wait for you. People stay together long times without having to make it legal. And that is all it is. Tell him that you can make a promise to him and a commitment without the legality of it. My aunt and uncle have been together for 27 years and they are not married, they feel that when you marry and something goes wrong you immediately run out and get a divorce and that is expensive and stupid. Do what you feel is right and not what he thinks you should do. Good Luck : )
40 :
I think you should tell him that you love him but you're not ready 2 settle down yet and you want 2 achieve other goals in your life right now. And If he doesn't understand and wait till u are ready. Well he's not the 1 for U. Cuz if he loved u he would wait 4 u. P.S Don't rush in 2 anything if ur not ready!! I hope this is helpful 2 U.
41 :
then get rid of him if he cant respect what you want
42 :
Stick to your plans. You have a say in what happens in your life, and your feeling is that you want to wait. Don't let anyone pressure you into something that doesn't feel quite right. He sounds desperate, and it's not a good thing. Take your time, and things will sort themselves out; if he decides to leave you because you have your own head on your shoulders, then I'd say good riddance. You have plenty of time to pursue your dreams, don't let anyone cheat you out of any of them.
43 :
You don't have to make excuses, "I'm not ready to talk about marriage" should suffice. If it doesn't, he could be too controlling, and you don't need THAT for sure. Don't get married just because you feel pressured to do so. Just because he's ready, doesn't mean you should be. This may not be the guy for you. If he's not willing to give you your space, then you may just need to move on. It sounds like you have a lot going on in your life anyway.
44 :
Why does getting married automatically equal children?? If you're having sex now, you can still have a baby and be forced with the predicament where you have divide your attention between school and a family. So you putting not being ready for children as your reason to not want to get married right now, is bull. I say its bull because none of the fears you have about getting married, would stop you from fulfilling your goals. You want to prioritize and your career goals rank higher on the list than your relationship and PREFER to complete school before getting married. There is nothing wrong with that. By the way, how can he tell you that you're engaged? That's not something you're informed of. It's mutually decided and then plans start being made. A promise ring is not an engagement ring. Also, his time table doesn't have to yours. It should not suprise you that you two are two different places regarding your relationship. I can understand you not wanting the commitment of a relationship, with you wanting to study abroad. I know you probably love your boyfriend but but if he doesn't support your goals, you're wasting your time with him. Not to mention, I assume you guys are around the same age, has he mentioned any kind of goals that he wants to pursue? Does he have a job? If not, you don't want to marry him anyway. He'll just slow you down.
45 :
show him a copy of your e- mail and ask him to understand.
46 :
I think you are right on target. Don't marry him. Your whole life is in front of you. Bet he is not educated himself. My husband and I are both professionals. Even with good jobs you may struggle to educate your children Ours are grown, both have a good education. There were times we struggled to be sure they had what we felt they needed. I can't imagine what uneducated people even talk about in their older years. or how they support a family in these times.
47 :
If you are not ready to get married don't do it, Sit him down and explain to him that you love and you want to be with him but you are not ready "YET" for that big step.. He is going to be hurt for awhile but then he will calm down.. Also let him know that when you are ready you will let him know. Good Luck
Read more discussion :
Monday, March 14, 2011
Monday, March 7, 2011
Can anybody tell me if this letter from UK is a hoax/fraud
Can anybody tell me if this letter from UK is a hoax/fraud?
Dear Nurse, We are an American family working and living in London United Kingdom. My name is -------- I have a wife and a daughter. My wife ----- and my daughter ------ who is Four years old. I work with Gallery Group UK a reputable Oil and Gas company in the United Kingdom. I work as the project manager in the company. We have received your contact details from www.Naukrigulf.com My wife is sick with cancer, she is in pains because of the nature of my Job, I find little or no time to be at home for her Therefore am contacting you today for us to discuss the possibility of hiring you as her personal nurse. You will be with her always and give her the attention she desires, take her to the hospital and regulate her medically. You will be required to travel with her to Germany by Sept 2010 for her surgery after that be with her. We have agreed to pay you 4100 Great British Pounds for this service. your weekly salary is 1000 Great British Pounds You will need to be in this service for a minimum period of 24 months. You will have accommodation with us as well. If you wish to take up this position please write me back You are to fill in the below gap in bold letters and send it back to us to enable I and my wife look into it alongside our family lawyer to see if you are eligible to take care of my wife medically. You are to provide us with your: Full Name... ................................................... Age:................................................................. Mobile Address:............................................... Residence Address:............................................ Permanent Mailing Address Current Mailing Address Tel/Mobile Number(s) Your Nursing qualification OR Cv/Resume or any document that will show that you are eligible to work as a nurse. What is the name of your country?...................................... What is your nationality?...................................................... What is your Country of Nationality? Is it different from your Present Location? If yes please state your Current resident Country. A copy of your picture should be scan and send to us through an email attachment so that we will know who we are dealing with:. Scanned copy of your Valid International Passport should also be provided to us for the obtaining of your Visa Materials and other travel document that will enable you come down to UK immediately for your job as your travel visa, work permit and your air ticket only will be provided by us. Regards, ------------ Dear , I hope your week is moving well. After discussing your employment with my wife, we have decided that you match our requirements so please find the Contract Letter that is approved by the UK Home Office. We have attached all the terms and condition that governs my family which you have to follow with due respect, this will enable you stay and live with us happily here in UK while taking care of my Wife Medically. Any controversy that arises out of or relates to this agreement, or the breach of it, shall be settled by arbitration in accordance with the rules of the United Kingdom Arbitration Association or with our family lawyer. If you are not ready to be my Wife's Nurse, please do well to decline this offer with immediate effect for us to reserve the position for some other serious and committed Nurse applicant coming for the post. See above the attached picture file of my House and Sitting Room where you are going to stay and my family picture for picture identification. Please do well to go through the attached PDF contract agreement letter, read it carefully and after accepting the terms and condition, you are required to sign a page and send it back to us. I have informed the UK Home Office today that we have employ you, I have attached the approved contract letter issued me for your review. I need to apply now for Certificate of Eligibility (COE-UKIMG2010) as UK Home Office instructed me for our application to be quickly considered, as that is important to prove that I am sponsoring your travel down to the UK and to prove that you are eligible to take up job position in UK before they send your reference to the nearest British Consulate in your country. You need to sign the contract leter after going through it and send a scanned copy indicating your travel date (For Flight Booking which I will pay for) , to the staff at UK Home Office in charge of my application for the Certificate of Eligibility for their records and advice to us: You have to immediately send email to the UK Boarder Home Office for the preparation of your travel Visa without delay as we have earlier informed you that your travel Visa is Free. Here are the contact details of the UK Boarder Home Office. Name: Wilson Goodman. Office Adress: UK Border Age
Other - General Health Care - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Yes it has all the typical ingredients of a scam letter, 99% of them are from Nigeria. Someone posted an almost identical one a few months back. Ignore it and anything else with similar wordings in the future.
2 :
I presume your not in UK. Ask yourself why wouldn't this person look more locally for a nurse? Never send personal information by email to unsolicited mail. No home address,telephone number or copies of passport. These people are good at creating false identities and you could wind up with debts you know nowt about. same applies on social networking sites also. Report it as spam.
3 :
looks a fraud to me. Identity theft? Did a search on gallery group uk and nothing found. Also £1000pw seems way over the top even for a private nurse in London. If it seems too good to be true........ !!!
4 :
This is a Nigerian scam to steal your money and your identity. DO NOT respond or send any information Gallery Group is not a real company - it's a fake company name used in numerous job scams http://www.consumercomplaints.in/complaints/gallery-group-uk-amp-dana-petroleum-c154787.html so the family cannot work for a fake company An American working in the UK cannot sponsor a foreign worker, nor can any individual or family. Only a corporation already registered by the Home Office can sponsor foreign workers http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/workingintheuk/tier2/ict/sponsorship/registerofsponsors/ then click on the document on the right "Register of Sponsors - Employers" -- if they are not listed there they cannot sponsor you. NO exceptions. You cannot work as a Nurse in the UK unless you come as a student and complete the Overseas Nursing Programme. Until you do so, you cannot be offered any sort of nursing job in the UK You do not send any emails to anyone. there is no UK Boarder Home Office - it's the Home Office Border Agency. The employer applies for a Certificate of Sponsorship - not a Certificate of Eligibility, which does not exist. It takes 12-14 weeks for the Home Office to approve a Certificate of Sponsorship. The employee does nothing at this point but wait for 3 months for an original letter to be sent to their home address. No nursing job in the UK pays 1000/week. You would be lucky to make 2000/month
Read more discussion:
Dear Nurse, We are an American family working and living in London United Kingdom. My name is -------- I have a wife and a daughter. My wife ----- and my daughter ------ who is Four years old. I work with Gallery Group UK a reputable Oil and Gas company in the United Kingdom. I work as the project manager in the company. We have received your contact details from www.Naukrigulf.com My wife is sick with cancer, she is in pains because of the nature of my Job, I find little or no time to be at home for her Therefore am contacting you today for us to discuss the possibility of hiring you as her personal nurse. You will be with her always and give her the attention she desires, take her to the hospital and regulate her medically. You will be required to travel with her to Germany by Sept 2010 for her surgery after that be with her. We have agreed to pay you 4100 Great British Pounds for this service. your weekly salary is 1000 Great British Pounds You will need to be in this service for a minimum period of 24 months. You will have accommodation with us as well. If you wish to take up this position please write me back You are to fill in the below gap in bold letters and send it back to us to enable I and my wife look into it alongside our family lawyer to see if you are eligible to take care of my wife medically. You are to provide us with your: Full Name... ................................................... Age:................................................................. Mobile Address:............................................... Residence Address:............................................ Permanent Mailing Address Current Mailing Address Tel/Mobile Number(s) Your Nursing qualification OR Cv/Resume or any document that will show that you are eligible to work as a nurse. What is the name of your country?...................................... What is your nationality?...................................................... What is your Country of Nationality? Is it different from your Present Location? If yes please state your Current resident Country. A copy of your picture should be scan and send to us through an email attachment so that we will know who we are dealing with:. Scanned copy of your Valid International Passport should also be provided to us for the obtaining of your Visa Materials and other travel document that will enable you come down to UK immediately for your job as your travel visa, work permit and your air ticket only will be provided by us. Regards, ------------ Dear , I hope your week is moving well. After discussing your employment with my wife, we have decided that you match our requirements so please find the Contract Letter that is approved by the UK Home Office. We have attached all the terms and condition that governs my family which you have to follow with due respect, this will enable you stay and live with us happily here in UK while taking care of my Wife Medically. Any controversy that arises out of or relates to this agreement, or the breach of it, shall be settled by arbitration in accordance with the rules of the United Kingdom Arbitration Association or with our family lawyer. If you are not ready to be my Wife's Nurse, please do well to decline this offer with immediate effect for us to reserve the position for some other serious and committed Nurse applicant coming for the post. See above the attached picture file of my House and Sitting Room where you are going to stay and my family picture for picture identification. Please do well to go through the attached PDF contract agreement letter, read it carefully and after accepting the terms and condition, you are required to sign a page and send it back to us. I have informed the UK Home Office today that we have employ you, I have attached the approved contract letter issued me for your review. I need to apply now for Certificate of Eligibility (COE-UKIMG2010) as UK Home Office instructed me for our application to be quickly considered, as that is important to prove that I am sponsoring your travel down to the UK and to prove that you are eligible to take up job position in UK before they send your reference to the nearest British Consulate in your country. You need to sign the contract leter after going through it and send a scanned copy indicating your travel date (For Flight Booking which I will pay for) , to the staff at UK Home Office in charge of my application for the Certificate of Eligibility for their records and advice to us: You have to immediately send email to the UK Boarder Home Office for the preparation of your travel Visa without delay as we have earlier informed you that your travel Visa is Free. Here are the contact details of the UK Boarder Home Office. Name: Wilson Goodman. Office Adress: UK Border Age
Other - General Health Care - 4 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
Yes it has all the typical ingredients of a scam letter, 99% of them are from Nigeria. Someone posted an almost identical one a few months back. Ignore it and anything else with similar wordings in the future.
2 :
I presume your not in UK. Ask yourself why wouldn't this person look more locally for a nurse? Never send personal information by email to unsolicited mail. No home address,telephone number or copies of passport. These people are good at creating false identities and you could wind up with debts you know nowt about. same applies on social networking sites also. Report it as spam.
3 :
looks a fraud to me. Identity theft? Did a search on gallery group uk and nothing found. Also £1000pw seems way over the top even for a private nurse in London. If it seems too good to be true........ !!!
4 :
This is a Nigerian scam to steal your money and your identity. DO NOT respond or send any information Gallery Group is not a real company - it's a fake company name used in numerous job scams http://www.consumercomplaints.in/complaints/gallery-group-uk-amp-dana-petroleum-c154787.html so the family cannot work for a fake company An American working in the UK cannot sponsor a foreign worker, nor can any individual or family. Only a corporation already registered by the Home Office can sponsor foreign workers http://www.ukba.homeoffice.gov.uk/workingintheuk/tier2/ict/sponsorship/registerofsponsors/ then click on the document on the right "Register of Sponsors - Employers" -- if they are not listed there they cannot sponsor you. NO exceptions. You cannot work as a Nurse in the UK unless you come as a student and complete the Overseas Nursing Programme. Until you do so, you cannot be offered any sort of nursing job in the UK You do not send any emails to anyone. there is no UK Boarder Home Office - it's the Home Office Border Agency. The employer applies for a Certificate of Sponsorship - not a Certificate of Eligibility, which does not exist. It takes 12-14 weeks for the Home Office to approve a Certificate of Sponsorship. The employee does nothing at this point but wait for 3 months for an original letter to be sent to their home address. No nursing job in the UK pays 1000/week. You would be lucky to make 2000/month
Read more discussion:
Tuesday, March 1, 2011
Will our healthcare system ever realize that chemotherapy is a complete joke
Will our healthcare system ever realize that chemotherapy is a complete joke?
Here's the deal. I've had several loved ones die in my family from cancer. What I realized was there are other countries like Germany and Mexico that do all natural treatments as an alternative to chemo. They seem to have gotten some patients into remission even with the most serious cancers unless the patient was too sick to be taken in. Why is chemotherapy such a money-making machine in this country when it does absolutely nothing for cancer patients except poison them to death? I'm not saying we're the only country running this kind of system, but when my mom was in Germany getting these treatments, she felt better until she got back to the U.S. She ended up buying the necessary products in Germany, and not one nurse would give her the infusions at home because it was illegal. Then...as she got sicker, it was too late. Will we ever learn? Or is money more important than our health? Any thoughts? Although I only see one out of 9 intelligent answers here, none of you have answered my question directly!! Anybody who's in the medical field would greatly be offended by this question because without chemo, there wouldn't be any money to make, and that's the truth!
Cancer - 10 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I'm sorry, but there is absolutely no evidence that alternative treatments have anything more than a placebo effect. Cancer is a very aggressive disease, and it's natural to assume that the treatments don't work. A lot of people have come to the conclusion that chemo and other treatments are scams based on this. This isn't true. Time and time again, double blind tests have shown that chemotherapy and radiotherapy work. Not perfectly, but they do. My great-aunt got through cancer solely on chemotherapy. She's 87, so not exactly the prime example of someone who's going to get through it by herself.
2 :
I don't know why I even bother answering this question. Chemotherapy is not a complete joke, so called "natural treatments" are. Your mother's case, whatever it was, is just one data point in a disease that affects millions of people. Real doctors rely on statistically sound analysis of data from large groups, not from testimonials from individuals who may or may not have a financial stake in the "alternative" therapy.
3 :
well, I doubt its a complete joke, however our health care system is outta date. Im not surprised other countries would rather use alt. remedies than go straight for the high tech remedies. Most ppl dont want to pay for all that or cant.
4 :
It's not uncommon for relatives of people who die from cancer, understandably distraught and looking for explanations, to blame the treatments rather than the disease for the person's death. But almost certainly it is the cancer that killed the person, not the treatment. Like many people, I am in remission following treatment that included chemotherapy. Did it save me? - I don't know. But if I die next month, next year or in five or ten years time, nothing will convince me that it didn't prolong my life. In fact deaths as a result of chemotherapy are extremely rare; in extremely rare cases, chemotherapy can lead to a second cancer, and everyone who undergoes chemotherapy is made aware of this before they agree to the treatment. I live in the UK; we don't pay for our medical treatment, including cancer treatment - the state pays for it. If there was a cheaper, guaranteed cure for cancer, believe me that's what we would get - cancer treatment costs our government billions. As it is, I could be back at any time for more expensive chemo. I'm sorry about your mum. But alternative treatments such as she received have never been tested or proven, and you have no way of knowing if they would have saved your mother's life. Chemotherapy and other conventional treatments are not perfect; I believe that one day they will be looked back on with horror, much as we look back on blood-letting today. But we know, because they have been rigorously tested and proven in double-blind, peer-reviewed clinical trials, that they save some lives, and prolong many, many more. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Edit** Sissy's answer is not her own thoughts or the result of her own knowledge or experience, but is entirely a cut and paste from a site pushing the quack remedy Black Salve: http://blacksalveinfo.com/blog/2007/06/all-chemotherapy-drugs-are-experimental.html I too have had chemotherapy and know that nothing bears those words. Italian Stallion, I think you have a number of intelligent answers here; you may not agree with them, but they are intelligent answers. You say nobody has answered your question directly; you conclude your question ''Any thoughts?'', so everyone has answered - except Sissy, who has not offered any thoughts. I doubt many people in the medical field would be offended by this questiion; they are used to it. And as one cancer registrar who posts on this board has said, if a cure for cancer was found tomorrow she would be the happiest person on the unemployment line. And in my country, medical professionals are salaried; no doctor would make one extra penny if the cancer rates doubled tomorrow and the chemotherapy rates with them. To suggest that cures are being supressed to increase profits is absurd. Any drugs company discovering a cure for cancer would be rich beyond their wildest dreams; doctors, researchers etc and their families develop cancer and die from it at the same rate as the rest of the population - they'd rather die horribly than reveal the secret? And how does America get all the medical professionals in other countries to agree to this conspiracy? Every doctor, every nurse knows the secret but won't tell? Again I'm sorry your mother died from cancer; so did mine, I know how it hurts. But you're blaming the wrong enemy.
5 :
My thoughts? I'm sorry your loved ones have died. If you ever get the diagnosis yourself, I would be interested in seeing if you run off somewhere to get alternative treatment. Many of us who have seen our cancer shrink and/or disappear from chemotherapy are very very happy that it is there and that it is effective. We may feel unwell for a few months, but if that's the price of remission, then it's an easy price to pay. I'm sorry, but your second paragraph sounds like your mother sought "alternative" treatment that did no good, and delayed her conventional treatment to the point that it was too late. How is that the fault of chemotherapy or healthcare in general? It sounds like she made a fatal error in judgment. That's sad, but I have seen it happen too. Again, I'm sorry for your losses, but what you're experiencing is called "displaced anger." Sissy, get a clue. I have been through chemo. I have seen the IV bags. There is no such warning about experimental use. You are repeating the same old lies perpetrated by the peddlers of dangerous alternative treatments. Do you ever watch the news? FDA approves chemo drugs and other treatments ALL THE TIME. The percentages of cancer as a side effect of chemo is around the 1-3% range.
6 :
In the Physicians Desk Reference, available in any library of doctor's office, the top 10 chemotherapy drugs used in the USA all have cancer as a listed side effect. In fact, depending on how you interpret the statistics, more cancer patients die from the chemotherapy than of the cancer. The medical statisticians count these deaths as a success for chemotherapy because the patient did not die of cancer. Few people know how many studies incorporate their success statistics. A select few know that chemotherapy drugs are not FDA approved. They are legally administered under the "Rule of Probable Cause" which states that experimental drugs may be used if the side effect of the drug is no worse than the end effect of the disease. In fact, every chemotherapy bottle is stamped "For Experimental Use Only" and the patient must sign a release before the doctor will prescribe or administer it.
7 :
Read this! http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/?p=15 That woman went from having a 90+ chance of survival to near zero, because she believed fools like you. Then read this: http://scienceblogs.com/insolence/2008/07/hemangiosarcoma_canine_dog.php That blogger is a surgical oncologist ...his specialty is operating on cancer patients. Do you think he would turn down any likely cure.
8 :
I am an example of what chemo can do. I am in remission from the apl form of aml leukemia. There are millions more out there that would not be here if it hadn't been for God and chemo. I went into remission in only 2 months and have stayed there. I died 3 times and still got up and walked out of the hospital in only 3 days after I died for the 3rd time. Chemo can only help if they get it to you early enough(even in stage 3 or 4) .So I don't really know what your beef is with chemo. Sure there are alternatives but they don't always work .Just talk to any cancer survivor and see what they say about chemo. It does make you deathly sick but I bet none of them would say that they weren't glad that chemo was there for them.
9 :
http://www.polymvasurvivors.com/truth_chemo.html http://www.ghchealth.com/chemotherapy-quotes.html
10 :
sorry to disagree but chemotherapy has well documented benefits ,
Read more discussion :
Here's the deal. I've had several loved ones die in my family from cancer. What I realized was there are other countries like Germany and Mexico that do all natural treatments as an alternative to chemo. They seem to have gotten some patients into remission even with the most serious cancers unless the patient was too sick to be taken in. Why is chemotherapy such a money-making machine in this country when it does absolutely nothing for cancer patients except poison them to death? I'm not saying we're the only country running this kind of system, but when my mom was in Germany getting these treatments, she felt better until she got back to the U.S. She ended up buying the necessary products in Germany, and not one nurse would give her the infusions at home because it was illegal. Then...as she got sicker, it was too late. Will we ever learn? Or is money more important than our health? Any thoughts? Although I only see one out of 9 intelligent answers here, none of you have answered my question directly!! Anybody who's in the medical field would greatly be offended by this question because without chemo, there wouldn't be any money to make, and that's the truth!
Cancer - 10 Answers
Random Answers, Critics, Comments, Opinions :
1 :
I'm sorry, but there is absolutely no evidence that alternative treatments have anything more than a placebo effect. Cancer is a very aggressive disease, and it's natural to assume that the treatments don't work. A lot of people have come to the conclusion that chemo and other treatments are scams based on this. This isn't true. Time and time again, double blind tests have shown that chemotherapy and radiotherapy work. Not perfectly, but they do. My great-aunt got through cancer solely on chemotherapy. She's 87, so not exactly the prime example of someone who's going to get through it by herself.
2 :
I don't know why I even bother answering this question. Chemotherapy is not a complete joke, so called "natural treatments" are. Your mother's case, whatever it was, is just one data point in a disease that affects millions of people. Real doctors rely on statistically sound analysis of data from large groups, not from testimonials from individuals who may or may not have a financial stake in the "alternative" therapy.
3 :
well, I doubt its a complete joke, however our health care system is outta date. Im not surprised other countries would rather use alt. remedies than go straight for the high tech remedies. Most ppl dont want to pay for all that or cant.
4 :
It's not uncommon for relatives of people who die from cancer, understandably distraught and looking for explanations, to blame the treatments rather than the disease for the person's death. But almost certainly it is the cancer that killed the person, not the treatment. Like many people, I am in remission following treatment that included chemotherapy. Did it save me? - I don't know. But if I die next month, next year or in five or ten years time, nothing will convince me that it didn't prolong my life. In fact deaths as a result of chemotherapy are extremely rare; in extremely rare cases, chemotherapy can lead to a second cancer, and everyone who undergoes chemotherapy is made aware of this before they agree to the treatment. I live in the UK; we don't pay for our medical treatment, including cancer treatment - the state pays for it. If there was a cheaper, guaranteed cure for cancer, believe me that's what we would get - cancer treatment costs our government billions. As it is, I could be back at any time for more expensive chemo. I'm sorry about your mum. But alternative treatments such as she received have never been tested or proven, and you have no way of knowing if they would have saved your mother's life. Chemotherapy and other conventional treatments are not perfect; I believe that one day they will be looked back on with horror, much as we look back on blood-letting today. But we know, because they have been rigorously tested and proven in double-blind, peer-reviewed clinical trials, that they save some lives, and prolong many, many more. --------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------- Edit** Sissy's answer is not her own thoughts or the result of her own knowledge or experience, but is entirely a cut and paste from a site pushing the quack remedy Black Salve: http://blacksalveinfo.com/blog/2007/06/all-chemotherapy-drugs-are-experimental.html I too have had chemotherapy and know that nothing bears those words. Italian Stallion, I think you have a number of intelligent answers here; you may not agree with them, but they are intelligent answers. You say nobody has answered your question directly; you conclude your question ''Any thoughts?'', so everyone has answered - except Sissy, who has not offered any thoughts. I doubt many people in the medical field would be offended by this questiion; they are used to it. And as one cancer registrar who posts on this board has said, if a cure for cancer was found tomorrow she would be the happiest person on the unemployment line. And in my country, medical professionals are salaried; no doctor would make one extra penny if the cancer rates doubled tomorrow and the chemotherapy rates with them. To suggest that cures are being supressed to increase profits is absurd. Any drugs company discovering a cure for cancer would be rich beyond their wildest dreams; doctors, researchers etc and their families develop cancer and die from it at the same rate as the rest of the population - they'd rather die horribly than reveal the secret? And how does America get all the medical professionals in other countries to agree to this conspiracy? Every doctor, every nurse knows the secret but won't tell? Again I'm sorry your mother died from cancer; so did mine, I know how it hurts. But you're blaming the wrong enemy.
5 :
My thoughts? I'm sorry your loved ones have died. If you ever get the diagnosis yourself, I would be interested in seeing if you run off somewhere to get alternative treatment. Many of us who have seen our cancer shrink and/or disappear from chemotherapy are very very happy that it is there and that it is effective. We may feel unwell for a few months, but if that's the price of remission, then it's an easy price to pay. I'm sorry, but your second paragraph sounds like your mother sought "alternative" treatment that did no good, and delayed her conventional treatment to the point that it was too late. How is that the fault of chemotherapy or healthcare in general? It sounds like she made a fatal error in judgment. That's sad, but I have seen it happen too. Again, I'm sorry for your losses, but what you're experiencing is called "displaced anger." Sissy, get a clue. I have been through chemo. I have seen the IV bags. There is no such warning about experimental use. You are repeating the same old lies perpetrated by the peddlers of dangerous alternative treatments. Do you ever watch the news? FDA approves chemo drugs and other treatments ALL THE TIME. The percentages of cancer as a side effect of chemo is around the 1-3% range.
6 :
In the Physicians Desk Reference, available in any library of doctor's office, the top 10 chemotherapy drugs used in the USA all have cancer as a listed side effect. In fact, depending on how you interpret the statistics, more cancer patients die from the chemotherapy than of the cancer. The medical statisticians count these deaths as a success for chemotherapy because the patient did not die of cancer. Few people know how many studies incorporate their success statistics. A select few know that chemotherapy drugs are not FDA approved. They are legally administered under the "Rule of Probable Cause" which states that experimental drugs may be used if the side effect of the drug is no worse than the end effect of the disease. In fact, every chemotherapy bottle is stamped "For Experimental Use Only" and the patient must sign a release before the doctor will prescribe or administer it.
7 :
Read this! http://www.sciencebasedmedicine.org/?p=15 That woman went from having a 90+ chance of survival to near zero, because she believed fools like you. Then read this: http://scienceblogs.com/insolence/2008/07/hemangiosarcoma_canine_dog.php That blogger is a surgical oncologist ...his specialty is operating on cancer patients. Do you think he would turn down any likely cure.
8 :
I am an example of what chemo can do. I am in remission from the apl form of aml leukemia. There are millions more out there that would not be here if it hadn't been for God and chemo. I went into remission in only 2 months and have stayed there. I died 3 times and still got up and walked out of the hospital in only 3 days after I died for the 3rd time. Chemo can only help if they get it to you early enough(even in stage 3 or 4) .So I don't really know what your beef is with chemo. Sure there are alternatives but they don't always work .Just talk to any cancer survivor and see what they say about chemo. It does make you deathly sick but I bet none of them would say that they weren't glad that chemo was there for them.
9 :
http://www.polymvasurvivors.com/truth_chemo.html http://www.ghchealth.com/chemotherapy-quotes.html
10 :
sorry to disagree but chemotherapy has well documented benefits ,
Read more discussion :
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